Arriving in my inbox this week was a music video about gratitude which invited me to be “grateful for it all.”  I believe that our healing does not end when we can manage our flashbacks, recover from our addictions and free ourselves from shame and secrets.  All these

For survivors of sexual abuse and trauma the holiday season can be particularly difficult to navigate. Societal expectations around the holidays place extra pressure. Family gatherings can be especially challenging. In this post three male survivors share their reflections on these questions: How are they challenging for you? 

There is so much wisdom among us who have “been there.”  This is a continuation from the last post featuring some survivors who are willing to share with us their wisdom.  Periodically I will ask questions of them and share their responses. One of the common challenges for

We have all been wounded.  It is a reality of life.  For survivors of sexual violence and abuse the wounds can go deep and the impact can be life long.  The journey of healing takes us beyond merely surviving to thriving.  A part of thriving is using our

Here in Maine we are slipping out of summer into fall.  I’m not sure we ever really had summer, definitely not the expected “normal” Maine summer.  We had lots of rain and humidity.  For long stretches it seemed if it didn’t rain today, don’t worry, it will rain

Here in Maine we treasure summer. After surviving another winter we try to take in every bit of sunshine, warm breezes and long days to refresh our spirits and recharge our batteries. The blog is going on summer break. We’ll be back. I hope you enjoy your summer

Everything which is alive changes.  It is a given.  You and I are changing.  A more descriptive  word for the healing journey is becoming.  We are becoming.  We may not yet know what we are becoming. When I am asked where I am on my healing journey. I have

Survivors of sexual abuse find many ways to process their experience as they heal. One common medium is art. This painting is the result of the collaboration of two male survivors.  The collaboration contributed to the healing of both men.  As you reflect on the image see how

What is love anyway?  I know all about the warm, fuzzy, I-can’t-wait-until-I-see-them-again feeling.  I can’t stop thinking about them and when I see them I wonder if my pacemaker skipped a beat.  That is the kind of love is like the fire on a flambé, bright and captivating,

 It takes courage to survive. It takes courage to thrive.  You have courage. It may not feel that way, but if you are reading this and have suffered sexual violence, sexual abuse then you are courageous. You are a survivor. “Courage is the quality of being ready and

How many male survivors are there? Jim Struve, director of MenHealing, answers this and related questions.

Focusing on the this moment helps me stop the noise of the I-should-ofs. Today is a new day. A chance to start over, to try again.

You are not alone.  One of the first steps in my healing journey was to learn there were others like me.  I have come to believe that a critical part of healing is to be with others who are also survivors.  I treasure the small group of men

Live your life with arms wide open. Today is where your book begins.  The rest is still unwritten. Natasha Bedingfield When I look back at my life I can see the many ways my childhood sexual abuse shaped me, my decisions, relationships and path in life.  It can

Arriving in my inbox this week was a music video about gratitude which invited me to be “grateful for it all.  I believe that our healing does not end when we can manage our flashbacks, recover from our addictions and free ourselves from shame and secrets.  All these

Fear is a presence after childhood sexual abuse. I feared I would expose myself. I needed to learn to live in the present.

Sometimes it is alright to be less than perfect, a good lesson about life and healing as a survivor of abuse.

How often do you feel bad about feeling bad? I know it can be a challenge for me.  There is this voice in my head which tells me I should not feel bad, sad, depressed, upset… It is the critical voice which reminds me when I fail, questions

When We Were Wolves, by J.E. Tobin is a fictional account of a man coming to terms with his childhood sexual abuse by a beloved figure in his community. This is a story of healing and hope in the midst of the complexities and messiness of real life.

Written by Kevin Flood In today’s world stress is ever present and even if you are not a 24/7 news junkie, the stress comes at you constantly.  The bigger our interest in the world the more opportunities there are for being exposed to stress in politics, oppression, war,

What are you doing this summer to take care of yourself?  What do you do for fun?  Recently in a small survivors group discussion we tackled this question.  Not as simple as I thought it would be.  Just asking the question raised all sorts of other questions: Do

By R.Kevin Flood To put it bluntly, I didn’t want anyone’s help for a long, long time, not that I didn’t need it.   I was simply so scared of revealing any of my family story, my drinking history, my sex abuse, or anything that I felt would “expose

Recently another sexual abuse scandal hit the news. For survivors such news can be triggering.  It is a reminder of how pervasive sexual abuse is in our country and world.  While the Southern Baptists are the latest revelation, there are many more religious institutions of all traditions caught

by R. Kevin Flood When I was growing up I learned the hard way that I was the only person I could trust. I grew up in an alcoholic, sexually abusive household.  Even at an early age I was proud that I could do things by myself and

By Jim Struve I have visited Best Friends Animal Sanctuary many times during the past decade, each time offering my volunteer time in service for abused, neglected, or orphaned animals who inhabit the Sanctuary. Memories are vividly held deep in my heart and mind, as well as somatically

As Rampage the large, white hair, curved horn goat approached the gate where we were giving head scratches, our guide Angie, said; “Be careful. He can be a little sassy,” and suggested we use the backscratcher hanging nearby for the requested head scratch.  Here I was on a

We continue the series by Kevin Flood sharing wisdom he has gained on his journey of healing. Feelings Aren’t Facts by Kevin Flood This month we borrow another saying from AA, (Alcoholics Anonymous), “Feelings Aren’t Facts.   Feelings are a reaction to the facts of our abuse.   Your boss,

When I began to remember my abuse (at the age of 60) I felt so alone.  My wife and family were incredibly supportive.  Still I longed to find others who knew what it was like.  I tried online forums, read books and articles searching out stories like mine. 

Two weeks ago a nasty cold took up residence in my body.  Four covid tests later I am more than confident it is not Covid-19 but a bug which either aspires to be covid or believes imitation is the greatest form of flattery.  The cold has left me

This week features our monthly installment of the shared wisdom of Kevin Flood for the healing journey. I hope you find his sharing insightful and helpful on your journey from survival to thriving. You can find more of Kevin’s Journey in the blog archives. If you have a

I messed up. I believe a given for all human beings is they will mess up from time to time.  It is the nature of being human.  We are imperfect.  All of us do it.  But not all of us respond to “messing up” in the same way. 

I recently completed a book written by sisters, Elaine Heath and Jeanine Heath-McGlinn, titled “Loving the Hell Out of Ourselves (and others).”* It is a powerful memoir of their growing up in an abusive, neglectful home.  Both are survivors of sexual abuse.  It is also a story of

This week features our monthly installment of the shared wisdom of Kevin Flood for the healing journey. I hope you find his sharing insightful and helpful on your journey from survival to thriving. You can find more of Kevin’s Journey in the blog archives. Mike Attitude of Recovery

Today we have the second part of David’s story which we began last week. If you missed that entry you can find it here, Your Story Matters. This is a powerful story told by a courageous man. Each of us has an important story, our own story, which

Your story matters. You matter. Beyond Survival: Still We Rise is intended as a place to share. We want to hear your story, to learn how you are thriving, to see your creativity at work. It is a space for courageous healing. Today we have the first of

NORMAL AND THE POST-ABUSE NORMAL Last month we talked about the general meaning of what sex abuse recovery is.   This month we’re going to talk about what the word normal means in living through trauma recovery — sex abuse recovery.   Before the abuse, we all lived with whatever

Creativity is a great ally in for our healing journey. As we find creative ways to express our experiences, our feelings, our thoughts, hopes and dreams we access new sources within ourselves of strength and courage. Creative expressions can take many forms: painting, drawing, music, dance, writing are

I encountered a ghost this week I encountered a ghost this week at the dentist’s. It was time for my semiannual teeth cleaning. My wife and I use the same dental practice, about an hour from our home, so we schedule our coinciding appointments.  The same hygienist has

“Happy holidays!” “Merry Christmas.”  Really? The holiday season has been challenging most of my life.  The weight of expectations coupled with painful memories adds layers of difficulty to each day.   This year is the first in many years where I do not feel the normal ho-ho-ho anxiety.  I

This week features our monthly installment of the shared wisdom of Kevin Flood for the healing journey. I hope you find his sharing insightful and helpful on your journey from survival to thriving. Mike What Is Recovery? By Kevin Flood Let’s talk about recovery–sexual abuse recovery.   As a

Where do you find inspiration?  All around us are people who are kind, brave, open, in the face of great challenges.  Some are survivors of deep trauma like many of us.  Some live with chronic and/or life threatening illness, either their own or a loved ones’.  We find

“Your voice matters.” “You matter.” Two powerful statements which capture the purpose of this blog, to give encouragement and voice to male survivors on the journey from survival to thriving. In this post Phil shares a poem and a little about himself. Remember we want to hear from

Isolation and aloneness are two of the critical characteristics we face on our journey of recovery. Many of us feel constrained, shamed, embarrassed, scared and other feelings that  keep us convinced that we must do our recovery work alone. How would anyone believe me? They would think it

Recently I spent a weekend on the coast of Maine with two members of my 2019 MenHealing Weekend of Recovery small group.  We have kept in touch over these years.  It was an incredible time of sharing, laughing, listening, sharing our writing and enjoying being together.  Ben S

James Canipe shares an incredible story of bravery, self discovery, recovery and relationship repair. We are grateful for his generosity and courage. Do you have a story, a poem, art work, a song, you’d like to share? Let’s talk about it, mike@menhealing.org. Mike Davis, editor Stories fill the

Throughout the millennium of human existence, story has been a vehicle through which people have shared the important issues of their time. Story has been historically expressed through dance, music, visual art, the spoken word, written manuscripts – and opera. Brilliant composers throughout the centuries have courageously crafted

In many traditions, November 1st is a time to remember those who have gone before us, our ancestors, our saints, our departed loved ones.  As this day approaches I am thinking about the people along my journey who have contributed to my survival, my healing and my thriving. 

THERE IS NO GREATER AGONY THAN BEARING AN UNTOLD STORY INSIDE YOU                             MAYA ANGELOU, “I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS” Ask someone who has been able to tell their abuse story to others and how they felt after doing it. Almost always, they will tell

Where do you go when you are having a tough time?  Almost 50 years ago Bill Withers released “Lean on Me” which spoke to the universal need for support in difficult times.  If YouTube is any indication it is a message which still reverberates throughout the world. Lean

I am sitting in a little cottage on an island in southern Maine as I write this.   It is a beautiful fall day, the trees are offering a preview of coming attractions, the air is fresh and clear.  I’m taking a break from my normal routine to rest,

Today we have two poems from Mike Chapman, a survivor of sexual abuse and trafficking as a child and of sexual assault by clergy as an adult.  The poems are powerful and graphic and may be triggering for some.  You are encouraged to use your own discretion before

Kevin’s monthly column will include words of wisdom gleaned from decades on the journey of healing and recovery from childhood sexual abuse.

Alphonse de Lamartine said: “Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends.” Music touches us like nothing else.  Music has the power to comfort, inspire, inform, transform and heal us.  Music for the Healing Journey will be a regular feature of this blog for

Eleven months ago “Beyond Survival: Still We Rise” was born.  Our goal was to connect men, their partners and allies through stories, conversations and more. We hoped the blog would become a place for meaningful dialogue.  We wanted the posts to include honest sharing of the challenges and

Music has healing power. It can express our pain, comfort our grief, challenges us to change and express feelings too deep for just words. Music connects us to others across time and space. It takes us back in time or invites us to see a better future. Physician,

I have been gifted with some wonderful healing journey companions. Along with my spouse and family there are a couple of guys, survivors like me, whom I speak with almost every week.  Today in a conversation one said to me: “You don’t have to suffer.”  At that moment

There is power in using our voices to speak up.  As I have watched the Survivors’ Healing Journeys one of the reoccurring themes is lost and found voices.  Victims of sexual violence often lose their voice.  They are silenced by the threats of perpetrators to hurt them or

A therapist recently told me that on average men wait 20 years before sharing an experience of childhood sexual abuse.  There are lots of reasons for the silence. Here are just a few  Some men forget the abuse for a period of time.  (I forgot my experience for

Male survivors are not alone. 1in 6 men experience sexual victimization. You are not alone. Your are important.

It is never to late for survivors of sexual abuse to find healing and hope. A 64 year old male survivor shares from his healing journey.

This is a story of the turning point in one man’s healing from childhood sexual abuse.

Poetry from survivors capture the words of the heart aiding healing.

Welcome to the new year. I like the idea of the beginning of a new year as a chance to evaluate, dream, plan and begin to take action. It is a reset of the past year or a chance to build on the past year. Many times I

Laugh. When was the last time you had a good laugh? Laughing is good for the body and good for the soul. In today’s clip Maya Angelou reminds us we must laugh. She says that a sense of humor is in self defense against the cruelties of life.

When you get up in the morning do you look in the mirror and say to yourself;” Good morning (insert your name here). You are talented”? That would be a great way to start each day. I know I have to say it over and over to let

We have so much to offer our world as survivors of sexual abuse. In an interview with Jordan Masciangelo he said to me: Survivors have so much to offer ! I feel like the world is being robbed of so much beauty, art, talent and passion when survivors

Maya Angelou’s rule, just do right!

A good deed doesn’t just evaporate and disappear.

Freedom is what you do with what has been done to you.

I invite you to give yourself a gift today. If you are finding this a tough time, give yourself the gift of self compassion. You deserve it. If you are doing great, give yourself a high five. If you are hearing that critical voice in your head, give

For many survivors of sexual abuse this is a particularly challenging time of year. In the midst of the ups and downs remember this simple message; You can do it. You have made it this far. You can make it another day, another week, another month, another year.

Today’s submission in our continued Words of Hope series asks us to love the questions. As survivors or those who journey with survivors questions abound. What would it mean to embrace the questions, love them and live into them? Think about the questions you can embrace in your

Today’s message for survivors reminds us just how incredible each of you are. Those who walk this healing journey have much to offer the world. You are remarkable! If you have a message of hope, healing and encouragement you’d like to share with other survivors please send it

You are strong! You are courageous! Here is a message from Howard Fradkin reminding you of this fact. If you have a message of encouragement you’d like to share with other men, send it my way, mike@menhealing.org, or leave it in the comments below. Be well. Stay safe.

As we wrap up 2020 and prepare for the new year we’ve invited persons connected with MenHealing to share messages of hope, healing and inspiration. Each day we will feature a new message or thought for the day. If you’d like to offer your own message for men

As we wrap up 2020 and prepare for the new year we’ve invited persons connected with MenHealing to share messages of hope, healing and inspiration. Each day we will feature a new message or thought for the day. If you’d like to offer your own message for men

As we wrap up 2020 and prepare for the new year we’ve invited persons connected with MenHealing to share messages of hope, healing and inspiration. Each day we will feature a new message or thought for the day. If you’d like to offer your own message for men

As we wrap up 2020 and prepare for the new year we’ve invited persons connected with MenHealing to share messages of hope, healing and inspiration. Each day we will feature a new message or thought for the day. If you’d like to offer your own message for men

The holidays can be a particularly difficult time for me. All my childhood expectations for a “Hallmark Christmas” which some part of me clings smash up against painful memories of dashed hopes and broken dreams.  Celebrating the holidays In the midst of this pandemic is even more complicated

These are challenging times for many of us.  For survivors, the challenges which often accompany the holiday season are magnified by the uncertainty and disruption created by the Covid-19 pandemic.  It is easy to forget to even stop and breathe.  I invite you to stop and take a

I feel privileged to receive the stories of survivors. I am moved by their honesty, saddened by the stories of suffering and uplifted by their courage and healing. This edition of Beyond Survival: Still We Rise includes a story by Michael W. His story speaks of the healing

MenHealing retreats are thoughtfully planned healing experiences designed to inform, inspire, and support men who have been sexually victimized as adults or children. No other organization offers this innovative healing resource. Eric Jennings, this edition’s contributor shares his experience of a Weekend of Recovery.  Please leave your comments, questions

Welcome to Beyond Survival: Still We Rise*, a new venture of MenHealing seeking to connect men, their partners and allies through stories, conversations and more. We hope this blog becomes a place for meaningful dialogue.  In these posts you will find honest sharing of the challenges and the