It takes courage to survive. It takes courage to thrive.  You have courage. It may not feel that way, but if you are reading this and have suffered sexual violence, sexual abuse then you are courageous. You are a survivor.

“Courage is the quality of being ready and willing to face negative situations involving danger or pain. A close synonym is bravery. Showing courage is often thought of as facing such situations without fear, but it also involves facing them despite fear. In other words, someone who has courage might not be fearless, but they face the dangerous, difficult, or frightening situation anyway. ”  www.dictionary.com

Moving from surviving to thriving involves courageous actions.  For me they are often little day to day things.  Looking for something good in my day.  Reminding myself that I am worth the effort.  Believing the good about me.  Challenging shame.  Some days it is just doing something good for myself like taking a walk, exercising, calling a friend or reading a book.

Maya Angelou was a survivor who learned to thrive and inspired others.  She said:  “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”

Elements of Thriving: Passion-Compassion-Humor

In this simple quote I believe she captures many elements of thriving: passion, compassion, humor.  It is okay to be passionate about thriving.  Thriving is to embrace passion for something in our lives and pursue it with our whole selves.  Thriving is to face the fear of failure or rejection with the knowledge that we will be okay.  We have the power within us to take what life offers and move on.

For me, thriving means practicing compassion for others.  Our suffering creates understanding and empathy for others who suffer including, by not exclusive to, victims of sexual violence.  Using our experience to bring hope and healing to others does the same for us.  It gives a greater purpose to our own experience.  This compassion can extend to all forms of life.

Humor is like safety valve which releases some of the pressure of our trauma.  Laughter is a gift.  Even dark humor has a place in healing.  It is a reminder to lighten up a little.  A glimpse of light in the darkness.  A momentary lifting of a heavy weight. A window into gratitude and hope.

We all recover in our own way.  Our journeys may follow paths similar to those of other survivors, but we still walk it ourselves.  We bring our own uniqueness, our own experiences, our own needs to our healing.  We do not have to compare our suffering to anyone else’s.  Ours is valid, period. 

Not Alone

While we each heal in ways somewhat unique to ourselves, we do not heal alone.  This is a journey meant to be taken with others.  Together we are stronger, wiser and healthier. Together we give each other the courage and encouragement to do more that survive.  Together we can help each other thrive.

You deserve to thrive, not just survive.  You are courageous.  You are precious.  You are not alone.

Be well. Stay safe. Take good care.

Mike