Here in Maine we are slipping out of summer into fall.  I’m not sure we ever really had summer, definitely not the expected “normal” Maine summer.  We had lots of rain and humidity.  For long stretches it seemed if it didn’t rain today, don’t worry, it will rain tomorrow.  Our winter dreams of warm, sunny summer days turnout to be soggy, sticky days.  Still the seasons turn, life goes on, and we are beginning to experience cooler, bright days of fall.

I think life is like this.  Reality often fails to meet our expectations. On the healing journey we expect to be better sooner.  We hope that the painful feelings, the hard memories, the anxiety, fear and struggle will all completely pass.  But, at least for me, they are never totally gone.  Instead they become, to some degree, integrated into my present.  No longer debilitating.  Not as powerful.  But still hanging around the edges.

We are not what happened to us!

 I am learning to accept their presence without letting them control my present.  I try to recognize them and see what they may be trying to tell me.  My goal is not make them go away, but to respect them as only a part of the story of my life.  I am not those feelings, those memories, this struggle.  I am not what happened to me.  They do not get to define me.  But I can learn from them.

 I learn to be more accepting of myself.  I learn to give myself grace.  And in so doing I learn to extend acceptance and grace to others. Valarie Kaur said: “When we are brave enough to sit with our pain, it deepens our ability to sit with the pain of others. It shows us how to love them.” Carl Jung labeled those who use their painful experiences, their wounds as wounded healers.

Wounded healers are people whose painful experiences enable them to help others

My pain can open me to be more empathetic with others in pain.  As I sit with them, listen to them, extend acceptance, grace and love to them, I am healed a bit more.  That is a truth I experience over and over again.  I can not heal simply by focusing only on myself.  A critical part is using my experience to offer support to others. 

I’ve also learned that I do not travel this healing journey alone.  The companionship of others on the same healing path is critical to my own healing.  It is where I feel safe and can be honest without fear.

I did not have the summer weather I dreamed of this past winter, but that is okay.  I did not have the childhood or life I would have preferred, but I get to live this one.  And each new day gives me a chance to discover new levels of healing and love.

I wish the same for you. 

Be well. Stay safe.  Take good care.

Mike